OMG (A little graphic)

Just a quick post before sleep sets in. (Re-read that, yeah right)

So if the day wasn’t bad enough, I’ve had this blister thing in my eye for a while now, it swelled up once back in November, the doctor said it would go away on its own.

Well, it hasn’t gone away at all, instead, it’s just gotten smaller. I’ve been using the eye drops on it in the hopes that it would go away.

Well tonight, it went away, though I don’t think it went the way it should have.

I was coming down the stairs, and somehow I bumped my eye with my hand, just a graze, but enough to hurt. I went into the bathroom and took a  look at my eye, I had grazed it on the right side, as told by the cluster of redness from the irritated part of my eye. While I was there, I decided to take a look at my little buddy on the inside of my eyelid, and I noticed it was bigger than usual. Now when it would swell in the past, I could feel it on my eye, almost like I had a piece of dirt in my eye. This time I didn’t feel anything.


Now the fun begins, I pressed on the underside of my eyelid, just like I’ve done many times before, to flip this thing out of my eye to get a better look. Wouldn’t you know it, it popped! Not only did it pop once,  but twice. So at this time, I’m a little freaked, I just had what looked like a zit inside my eyelid pop on me with a little amount of pressure.

I grabbed a q-tip to try and clean out what had come out because I didn’t want whatever it was to go under my eye and into my socket, in case it wasn’t good for me. While I was cleaning that off, I guess I was applying more pressure on it because it let loose,  not only with this stuff but blood. Lots of blood. I kept my calm and rolled the q-tip until all the stuff was out of my eye.

At this point I’m a little concerned,  but not too bad, it wasn’t until I blinked that I really started to get worried. I couldn’t see out of that eye after I blinked. My eyelids had filled up with blood, and once I blinked, my eye was covered, so it was all blurry on me. I had only one choice left to me, I hit the water. Once I flushed my eye off, I could see fine, but the now hole was still bleeding. At least it was empty now, so not too bad.

I called for Sue so I could get some moral support, and so she didn’t completely freak out if she came down and I had an eye full of blood. Of course, she came down to blood in the sink and me holding my eye.

So the bleeding eventually stopped after about two minutes, maybe less. it’s been about 30 minutes now, and I can still see fine, and I only get an occasional irritation if I move my iris over that area, I think it’s still a little swollen from the ordeal, but it appears to be getting better.


I did some digging around the web, and some sites said that things like this will rupture on their own, and once that happens, the healing can begin. I hope they are right. The doctor said it was a stye, and that’s what I searched for.

So I’m keeping an “eye” on the situation to see if anything changes. I’m going to keep using the drops I was given until the area looks less red and begins to really heal.

The really bad thing is I didn’t really freak out too bad, which makes me kind of worried. I should have been very worried when it happened, but for some reason, I wasn’t. I need time to figure out why I don’t get upset or panic over things like this, in my mind I’m certainly concerned, but not to the point I think I should be.

Am I that unemotional? What happened to me? I used to be able to mimic the emotional state of someone from across the room by just looking at them, now I feel as if I’m just numb to my surroundings. I miss being able to feel the earth, to close my eyes and still be able to see life around me.

One of my goals this year is to reclaim that which I have lost. I can tell you that this area is hindering me greatly, and I need to get away from the overwhelming sense of despair that West Mifflin brings. Work isn’t helping any either what with all the stress of the day and the fear that I’ll be fired at a moment’s notice.

Let me explain, you see, I feel as if I don’t have a clue what I’m supposed to be doing there. I have the constant feeling of incompetence that makes me second guess myself. It’s because of this feeling that I can’t give 100% of my expertise to the job. I’m getting comfortable with the work I’m asked to do, but I still have this nagging voice in the back of my head that keeps asking if I know what I’m doing. In my last job, I knew exactly what to do. Now granted I was in that position for 9 years, that’s a long time to get adjusted to doing things. It just seems as if everything is so fragile like the slightest change will cripple the entire business. One wrong setting and the whole place shuts down. That’s why I can’t advance anything without a lot of second-guessing. I used to be able to just do something and it would work without fail, but now something I’ve done a hundred times in multiple places completely bombs out.

I don’t know what to do, all I can hope is that things calm down and I actually start to make progress with things.

Right now I’m starting to get sleepy. I think bedtime is coming sooner than I had thought. That’s what happens when you don’t sleep well.


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